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Stupid Dog Tricks

Writer's picture: Rachel R. BaumRachel R. Baum

No, this isn’t about David Letterman. He’s been in the press enough already.

This is about Roberto and his tricks. Roberto is a typical smart American Staffordshire Terrier with a leash-pulling problem, which his owner and I were able to get under control pretty quickly.

After our walk, Roberto’s owner proceeded to show off all of the tricks he had taught his dog to do. Now, I don’t want spoil anyone’s party, but I have an issue with dog tricks. Some tricks make the dog look silly, and humiliating a dog is just not amusing to me. So I have cataloged Roberto’s tricks for you and will tell you why some of them are harmless, some are just plain stupid, and some have the potential to actually be dangerous. Let’s call this:

The Canine Acceptable Activity Test, or CAAT

Harmless                 Stupid                      Dangerous

____________________________________ 

1                                 3                                 5

Giving Paw (or Shake, or High Five)

CAAT Score: 4


Think about it. You teach your dog that putting his paw out is cute and funny and worthy of lots of attention. Roberto is now more likely to offer his immense foot – and claws – unasked, to your unsteady 80-year-old grandma and to your girlfriend’s bare legs. Ouch.

Circus Dance (or the Twirl)

CAAT Score: 4

When performed by a miniature poodle, this is charming. If a dachshund does this, I would fear for his spine. In Roberto’s case, it was 90 pounds of solid dog flesh doing it. He liked to rear up and do the dance whenever he felt like it, too. Not a good idea, especially around furniture. 

Beg (or Sit Up)

CAAT Score: 3

People hire me to get their dogs NOT to beg. Why would you ask your dog to do it intentionally? Trust me, you will regret teaching your dog to do this.

Roll Over (or Show Me Your Belly)

CAAT Score: 1


What is cuter than a freckled tummy? I’m a fan.

Commando

CAAT Score: 1

Watch any war movie and you know that the soldiers will crawl on their stomachs and elbows while under fire. Most dogs will do this naturally if you have them lay down and then drag a treat away from their noses for them to follow.

Find It (or Where’s the Ball?)

CAAT Score: 1

Hide anything the dog adores and have him look for it. Great fun for both of you, and especially rewarding for your dog if the hiding place is a challenge, like under one of several plastic cups.


Speak

CAAT Score: 2

Fine if you can ensure that the dog will stop on command. This is potentially really annoying.

Play Dead

CAAT Score: 1                

It makes me a little queasy to see a dog do this, but I guess there’s no harm in it. I’d rather call it “Go to Sleep.”

Shoot Hoops

CAAT Score: 1

If you haven’t seen this yet, enjoy. Now that’s a trick!

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