When Taffy’s owner Laura comes home, the 15-month-old Cocker Spaniel mix greets her frantically, leaping and licking and yipping until Laura can get her to sit for a pat.
Taffy’s other owner Sam has been home all day, but that doesn’t matter one way or the other to Taffy. Sam is a non-entity in Taffy’s life.
Laura feeds Taffy, plays fetch with Taffy, takes Taffy to the vet, and administers Taffy’s medications. Laura walks her and cleans up after her and cuddles with her. Laura, in parental parlance, is Taffy’s primary caregiver. But that is a misnomer, because it implies that Sam is the secondary caregiver, and care is something he resolutely does not give to the dog.
I’ve been observing Taffy for a few months now, not just as her trainer but from curiosity, too. I have other clients where one member of the family is non-participatory in the dog’s life, but not to this extent.
Sam actually avoids Taffy.
The backstory is that Laura brought Taffy home after their previous, much loved dog-that-walked-on-water died. Sam found this disloyalty unforgiveable and now is making both Taffy and Laura pay for the betrayal by steadfastly taking no notice of the dog.
What I have learned so far – no surprise – is that Taffy has separation anxiety when Laura is gone, and is exceedingly clingy when Laura returns. And she is afraid of men, Sam included. She is so wary of him that she startles, backs up, and barks when he enters the room she is in. Then again, when Laura is not home, Taffy follows Sam, but from a distance, as if she is keeping a mistrustful eye on this forbidding and unfathomable creature.
Obviously, this is an unhealthy way for all of them to live. The resulting dilemma can be expressed in the following formula – call it the
Canine Conundrum
2x (where x=family member) + excessive bonding ÷ neglect =
resentment ≥ (anxiety X stress)
How to solve this equation? Counseling Sam and Laura helped them to understand that:
If #1 – 3 are acknowledged, the Canine Conundrum formula, with time, can convert to:
forgiveness ÷ hope X (training + cooperation) = happy dog + happy family
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