Some dogs don’t seem to have all four paws on the same ground as we do.
I’m not referring to dogs that jump constantly. I’m talking about dogs that are so out there, so focused on something other than US, that if we had to label their behavior, we would call it ADHD for Attention Deficit HELLO?? Dog.
This dog pays no never mind to a thing except the phantom smell he caught that he must pursue at all costs. No amount of treats, yelling, coaxing or physical impediments such as leashes or fences can deter him. And then, just as randomly, he will lose the force of gravity that compelled him in the first place, and careen blindly toward the next fleeting thought.
If you are the family member appointed to the dog-walking task, you need a rotator cuff of steel to keep the leash in your hand and your feet on a hard surface. You probably take your dog walks in the early morning or late at night, to avoid possible encounters with anything or anyone, or – heaven forbid – another dog. Because if your dog senses, let alone sees, another canine, he will absolutely lose it. He will rear up, legs flailing, neck straining, as you brace your knees and dig your heels as best you can into the asphalt so you won’t crash and burn on the street.
I have the solution to this problem.
I know I will never find a cure for cancer or bring about world peace but I have an idea for another contribution to humankind that might be just as important, at least to some dog owners.
The Earth to Bailey spray.
Each can of this spray comes with its own little holster so it can be carried waist-high and at the ready by dog owners while in the house and outside. It is recommended for use with all dogs that appear to have no sense of people, places or things except whatever mysterious vision they are following in their heads.
Obviously since the dogfood recall and more recently, the peanut butter scare, all of us are reading the fine print on our purchases, so here are the specifics from the ETB label:
EARTH TO BAILEY
Get your dog’s head out of the ozone layer!
Spray your way to confidence and better behavior!
Ingredients: 40% owner leadership, 20% inner calm, 10% quiet strength,
10% good body language, 10% patience, and 10% water. No protein, no fats,
no sugar, no sodium, no preservatives. All organic and natural.
Directions: Shake before using. Aim nozzle at the owner and the
dog together. Spray until both are lightly coated. Repeat as often as needed.
Can be used by any dog owner. For topical application only.
Avoid spraying in eyes or on cats.
Caution: Do not use in combination with owner fear, anxiety or stress.
Must be used consistently.
Can may be recycled or purchase refills by dialing toll free 800-EARTHTO.
Let’s see – how about an infomercial on the Dog Shopping Network?
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